


Patience Beyond Words

by epersonae



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: I wrote it for myself but I hope you enjoy it too, M/M, Post-Canon, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29965887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epersonae/pseuds/epersonae
Summary: Taako is coping with his trauma, maybe. Merle has some cryptic advice, sort of. Kravitz tries to be supportive.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Patience Beyond Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hops/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Another Beach Year](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754356) by [hops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hops/pseuds/hops). 



> This is loosely associated with the continuity of hops's "Sizzled Out" series -- it is my imagining of a scene somewhere in the events of Another Beach year, but also a bit of my own musing about trauma and grief, and the nature of a partnership where the shadow of trauma is part of life. (Trauma therapy is really unlocking the ol' fic brain again after a year of the pandemonium, you know?)
> 
> I edited a little, but haven't had any beta or anything, although I did have hops read it first. Thanks for everything, friendo. <3

Kravitz stands in front of the closed door that leads to the attic at the end of the upstairs hallway. He’s faced down necromancers and death criminals, survived being pulled into the Sea of Souls by the Hunger, fought abominations at what seemed like the end of the world. But this: walking up a few narrow stairs? Infinitely more terrifying. 

Merle comes up behind him and pats his hip. "It's ok, he won't bite. Unless that's what you're into, which is none of my business, I guess."

If Kravitz has learned anything these last few years, it is that Merle is prone to offer comfort in the most unusual — if awkward — ways. So the odd gesture goes uncommented, and instead he lets himself worry aloud.

"I don't quite know how to — the anniversary gets him so spun up and it's hard for me to fathom: it's such a celebration, we won.  _ He _ won. And instead it's like this."

Merle makes a little noncommittal noise, and Kravitz’s thoughts jump to more recent turmoil, the crises that brought Taako to a long stay at the beach.

"I know,” he says, “there's been other things, this year anyway —" 

And Merle replies, "Not really that, I mean it is but also it's not, anniversary means a lot different, figured he would said by now, you two being like you are…"

"No, he just does  _ this _ ." Kravitz sags, pressing his forehead against the attic door, taking care not to make any kind of knocking sound as he contacts the surface. He doesn't know if Taako even wants to see him — Kravitz doesn't know if he's ready for it himself. "And then he puts on his glamour and comes out and it's as if nothing ever happened."

"Well, okay, that does sound about right."

"I don't know why I'm even talking to you about this." Kravitz squints down at Merle, who is absentmindedly detangling a section of his beard. "You didn't —" 

Merle chuckles. "No need for that, you got this to get off your chest, probably not a whole lotta folks would have any idea what you're going through, but Merle knows a bit of the score. Day of Story and Song isn’t just  _ chucklefucks save the world,  _ it's a whole bunch of hurt hitting all at once, remembering hurt, remembering what was forgot. And how it was forgot. Knowing that you had so much taken away. Leastwise I figure that's part of it for him." 

There's something in Merle's posture that makes Kravitz wonder how it is for him, too. But instead of asking about Merle's losses, Kravitz says: "The voidfish. Lucretia."

"Everything he’s not talking about, all being brought up by literally every dang person out there."

Kravitz lays his hand flat against the door as if he were resting it on Taako's back. 

"What do I even say?" 

"Dunno if words are the thing, really. You know he's been out on his plank again?" 

"Plank?" Kravitz struggles with the non sequitur. 

Merle taps his hand on his leg, "No, not plank, board, that's the lingo. Teaching the kids. He's good with 'em…. Ren must miss him something fierce at the school."

He's seen so little of Taako the teacher, sometimes it's hard for him to visualize that side of him. But he thinks of Angus. 

"I suppose she must. Should I say something —”

Merle snorts. “Remind him of work, no! No no no no, just saying. Seems like it helps more’n talking. Might be the work, might be the sea."

Kravitz frowns. There's something important here — in some ways, Merle still knows Taako better than he does — but the advice is too oblique, if that's what it is. 

"Merle…? What  _ are  _ you trying to say?" 

"It's not words that'll make him better, not the way you're thinking. Being there, some ways that's all we have for each other. Probably doesn't make too much sense, but a good sit with a friend is…." He pats Kravitz's hip again. 

He doesn't know what to say to that, but he's here, and Taako's up those stairs, and it doesn't do him any good standing at the bottom of them. 

The stairs are rough and unfinished, with the dust of bare wood and old boxes floating in the air. But the window is open, and the breeze that flows into the attic smells faintly of both forest and ocean. Kravitz appreciates the sensation of it, even though he doesn’t strictly need the air that fills the construct of his lungs.

Taako isn’t in the bed piled with blankets or in the rickety chair piled with clothing, so Kravitz goes to the window. Taako’s perched so far out on the roof that Kravitz fears startling him.

“May I?” Kravitz asks in a voice just above a whisper. 

The noise Taako makes could be taken as an affirmative, but only barely. As Kravitz scrambles out, Taako doesn't move a muscle, just stares off into the distance. 

He doesn't say anything, just settles in close to Taako, shoulder to shoulder. Taako shivers, but then shifts just a hair closer, his head almost on Kravitz's shoulder. But not quite, not yet. 

Merle's words tumble around in Kravitz's head, and he doesn't know if he should speak or stay silent, or even if he should have come at all. He feels Taako beside him, warm, but with his soul like a trembling bird, so loosely tethered. 

He sits perfectly still, then realizes his conjured form isn't breathing, and maybe that's too unnerving, for Taako to be reminded that Kravitz is the agent of death, and so he forces himself to breathe, at least, and he waits. 

The longer he sits, the more Kravitz notices the sounds of birds: in the woods and out over the ocean, the sound of the trees creaking in the wind, the sound of the waves against the shore, and the distant voices that must be Mavis and Mookie and the teen adventures, training somewhere he can't quite see. The sounds of a world alive and full, and yet they're up here, apart from it. 

Taako clears his throat; Kravitz remains perfectly still, waiting. 

Finally, he says, “Lately I wake up and I think, you know, I’m in the Sizzle wagon. Like, I’m sure he’s outside banging around pots and pans too loud, cause he’s, you know, fuckin’ mad about something again. And that weird… uhhhhh… nervous feeling like there’s something I should….” He sighs. “You know, something I should  _ remember _ ?” The sound he makes is a distant cousin to a laugh.

"Oh my dove," Kravitz says. 

Taako blinks, not tears but almost tears, still staring out with unfocused eyes. 

"Yeah well, turns out it's just fucking Merle making a mess in his kitchen, so I guess it's…" He sniffs. "Fuck!" He curls even tighter in on himself, and though Kravitz can't see his face, he can hear Taako begin to cry. "Tired of all of it," Taako says. 

Kravitz puts a hand on his shoulder, but pulls it back when Taako flinches. "I'm so sorry," Kravitz says. 

"No, yeah, it's, it's, it's me, she scrambled my eggs and he made me feel like an asshole, and I guess," he pauses with a hiccup of a sob, "I guess I am an asshole, and I’m on the same stupid bullshit. I’m sorry.” He shifts his body to turn away from Kravitz even more. "You don't deserve this."

Every molecule of Kravitz's conjured body strains to cry out  _ no YOU don't deserve to feel so broken.  _ But they've been down and around that cycle before. He's sure now that whatever is in Taako's head is louder than any words he can say. This time, when he puts a hand on Taako's back, he keeps it there, steady, even though Taako shivers at first. 

"On my neck?" Taako says in a small voice, and Kravitz moves his hand to accommodate. Taako shivers again, but this time followed by a long shuddering sigh, and Taako's breathing evens out, his body uncurling. 

"Taako?" 

"Mmm?" Taako turns, almost facing him. 

"I love you."

"Yeah, I know, I'm the best."

Kravitz sighs softly, watching Taako out of the corner of his eye as Taako surreptitiously wipes his face. He's desperate to understand, and more so to help Taako get through to a better place. But he thinks of Merle, patient and thoughtful in his strange way:  _ dunno if talking is the thing.  _

"I hear you've been surfing," he says, and he's rewarded by a softening of Taako's expression and then that brilliant grin.

"Aw hell yeah, perfect weather for shredding." He leaps up, clambers in the window, and then he's talking a mile a minute in slang that Kravitz can barely comprehend, and which Kravitz is fairly sure he made up himself. He pokes his head out of the window. "Come on in, Bones, and we'll get you some board shorts, get out on some gnarly waves."

Kravitz pauses for a moment, just looking at Taako framed in the attic window. His heart — he almost can't handle it, the immensity of his love for this brilliant, capricious, secretly compassionate elf. 

He moves to the window; Taako’s still trembling, his knee bouncing, the trace of tears still on his glamoured cheek. Before Taako can move out of the way, Kravitz takes Taako's face in his hands and kisses him delicately on the forehead. "I’ll always go with you, my dove," he says.


End file.
